Let the transformation begin.....

Sometimes you just don't realize there's a problem.......

Let me make this clear.  I have a pretty good life.  Yeah, I still ride the rollercoaster like everyone else.  You know, the unexpected drops, sharp turns, spit that lands on your cheek from the dude in the car in front of you that won't stop screaming.  Yeah, you know.  But in general, I have little to complain about. 

I am of the belief that I CAN control just about everything that happens in my life.  Whenever possible I surround myself with positive energy and in the face of potentially "toxic" situations, work diligently to remove myself quickly.  The trick to this way of living is that you must be self-aware at all times so you can maintain balance and control.  But.....what happens on the occasion that you don't realize that you've lost control???  It just happened to me last night.

I was tagged in some photos on FB from a performance that I did a few weeks back and went into utter shock when I saw, I mean REALLY saw, for the first time what shape my body has taken.  I know this is cliché but I honestly went into denial for a moment....."that can't possibly be what I look like!"  Every morning when I get dressed I take a look, a good look, in the mirror and I'm not completely disappointed.  OK, so my clothes are a "little" tighter.  OK, so my face is a "little" puffy.  OK, so I have a "little" tummy now.  I still look good, right??  I'm still attractive, right??  Smile, check teeth for lipstick, out the door.  Ummm....denial.

I have gained over 50 lbs over the past 5 years, more than 15 this year alone. Immediately, my first instinct was to ask myself "When did I lose control?"  "How in the world did this happen?"  I don't have kids, I don't take any medications that would contribute, I don't really enjoy sweets....what gives?  The answer folks:  I just love to eat and eat too much.  I am an amateur home chef and certified Sommelier.  Food and wine.....I watch TV shows, read books, flip through mags, tune into web casts.  Obsessed.  I live to eat which is well and good....when it's under control.  I have simply lost control.

If you are still with me here (and I hope that you are), here's the part where I reclaim this part of my life.  For the duration of my quest for control, I will be posting my progress here.  I encourage you to come back frequently and leave comments, suggestions and words of encouragement.  The only thing that will not be tolerated is negativity.  Anything demoralizing (realistic, OK.  Negative, no) will be deleted and if you think that is a violation of your rights or some BS like that....ummmm....too bad.  Then don't read this.

One final thought.  I want to make it abundantly clear that I am NOT depressed, suicidal or even hating on myself.  I reiterate.....my life ain't half bad! 8)  For aesthetics, for my health, to regain the control I once had.....I take this journey.  I hope you will join me.

Ready for takeoff,

PJ

Here a photo of the starting point......